1
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,671
I called this staff meeting
because lately,

2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,774
I've noticed our diner family
is drifting apart.

3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,509
Good work, everybody.
Good work.

4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,311
Yeah!

5
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:11,979
Let's start off this powwow

6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,548
by sharing our highs
and lows of the week.

7
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,786
My high was getting a particularly
interesting Snapple fact.

8
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,054
And my low was...

9
00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:21,955
Your entire body?

10
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:26,760
I'll go. My high was finding
a barrette in the bathroom,

11
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,330
and my low was imagining
my new life without it.

12
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,200
Max, your high?

13
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,602
I certainly am.

14
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,638
And my low will be when it wears off.

15
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:41,809
Well, my high was catching a glimpse
of a customer's lacy G-string,

16
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,812
and my low was seeing his junk.

17
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,215
My low is this meeting.

18
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,252
And my high is when it wraps up.

19
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:55,289
Can everybody take this serious...
(THUD)

20
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,658
(GRUNTS)
(HIGH-PITCHED) I have a new low.

21
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,894
I have a new high.

22
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,663
Me too.

23
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:04,332
Everybody, please.

24
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,367
Han just clearly injured his vagina.

25
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,471
(THEME MUSIC)

26
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,173
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

27
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,550
(PHONE RINGING)

28
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,224
That's not my phone.

29
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,059
My ringtone is "Let It Go,"
and you know that

30
00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,695
because you threaten
to beat me every time it rings.

31
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:35,963
Well, it's not mine.

32
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,398
I keep my phone on vibrate

33
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,367
out of respect for those around me,

34
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,602
and also for little orgasms.

35
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,003
(RINGING CONTINUES)

36
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,206
Max, it's the landline.

37
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,274
Oh, God!

38
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:47,408
Why is it ringing?

39
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:48,976
You said that phone only rings

40
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,278
if we're in trouble, or if it's you

41
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:53,147
calling from the future
to tell us we're in trouble.

42
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,619
Ruh-roh.

43
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,689
That's gotta be the landlord.
The lease is up.

44
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,657
Fine, we'll just renew it,
even though I thought

45
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,459
they would have condemned
this place by now.

46
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:08,061
I mean, I did find a used condom
in the hallway yesterday.

47
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,129
(RINGING)

48
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,598
-Hello?
-No!

49
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,666
Hang up.
We're not on the lease.

50
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,134
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

51
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,207
Good cover.
Now we just have to hope

52
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,842
the original tenant
is a Benihana chef.

53
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,377
Okay.

54
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,945
We don't have much time.
Quick!

55
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,415
Grab two things you love.

56
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,189
I love nothing in here!

57
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,559
And why are we even
trying to keep an apartment

58
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:41,362
that has grass growing
in the bathroom?

59
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,331
I love our toilet lawn.

60
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,566
It's gross.

61
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,900
Max, look at this place.

62
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,003
Our refrigerator door is
held on by Scotch tape,

63
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,905
And, I mean, there is
black mold in there.

64
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,907
At least the black mold
made the other mold

65
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:56,109
move out of the neighborhood.

66
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:57,144
Come on!

67
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,579
Someone from the real estate company

68
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,113
is probably on their
way over to make sure

69
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:01,749
the original tenant still lives here.

70
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,183
(PHONE RINGING)

71
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:06,119
All right, let's ride!

72
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,055
I know a guy that can drop off
some fake passports

73
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,423
for us in an airport locker.

74
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:11,158
Well, you know him too.
It's Oleg.

75
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,294
-(RINGING CONTINUES)
-Hey!

76
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,763
(POLISH ACCENT)
Pick up that phone already!

77
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:18,899
Sounds like a damn
PBS fund-raiser down here.

78
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,669
Sophie, it's the landlord calling.

79
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,071
I just found out we've been
subletting illegally.

80
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,939
Oh, well, I always
wondered how you girls

81
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:28,175
could afford to live
in this building.

82
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:31,545
And I ruled out prostitution
once I saw Caroline dance.

83
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:39,287
Good news.

84
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,454
I dug around the apartment

85
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,022
and I found the original lease.

86
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:44,057
Also found a copy of
my birth certificate.

87
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:48,696
Turns out my father's name
is "Mother has no idea."

88
00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,331
Forget that lease.

89
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,099
I've already found
a new place for us.

90
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:56,504
A two-bedroom for 1,300 dollars in
Manhattan.

91
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:59,707
Oh... Manhattan, Kansas.

92
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,675
We can't afford to lose this lease.

93
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:04,312
As soon as they find out
this Lester Donovan

94
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,514
is no longer living there,
the rent will get higher

95
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,950
than Justin Bieber
on a plane with his dad.

96
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,722
So I tracked down this
original tenant guy, Lester.

97
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:15,989
He's still alive.

98
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,691
Ugh. Can't catch a break.

99
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,295
He's at a rest home
in Sheepshead Bay.

100
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,564
We just have to go there
and kidnap him.

101
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:27,435
We'll tie some Cream of Wheat
to a pole and lure him out.

102
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,870
First of all, in what world

103
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,840
do we have
Cream of Wheat pole money?

104
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,943
And secondly, I am not gonna
go shake down some old man.

105
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,010
You won't have to.

106
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:39,680
He's probably already shaking.

107
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,282
If you're looking, I know a place.

108
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,151
You share a twin bed
with two other girls.

109
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:45,586
Oh, and there are cameras.

110
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,688
But you're paid 4.99 a minute

111
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:50,290
and get to meet
all the singles in your area.

112
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:53,661
Are you one of the singles
in the area?

113
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,929
Technically I'd be your co-star.

114
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,470
Like it or not, we have
to hold on to our apartment.

115
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:06,173
Max is right. There are
two things in life you cannot lose.

116
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,410
A rent-controlled apartment
and bladder control.

117
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,747
Actually, there's
an apartment in my building

118
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,248
that just became available.

119
00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:16,784
Stop by tomorrow.
You can see it.

120
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,458
This place is 1,200 dollars?

121
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:27,628
Twelve-fifty. It just went up
since we been talking.

122
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,763
We can't fit in here.

123
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,164
I'm not talking about me and you.

124
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,966
I'm talking about me and my boobs.

125
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:36,570
Nice retirement home.

126
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:38,238
Why don't we just live here?

127
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:42,209
Bingo tournaments,
unlimited hard candy,

128
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,545
and you get to crap your pants!

129
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,649
Lester?

130
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,183
That must be him.

131
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,153
I don't know who I am anymore,
but that must be him.

132
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,756
Hi, Mr. Donovan.

133
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,157
Lester?

134
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,259
Max, is he dead?

135
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:02,262
No, he's alive, but just.

136
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,797
This is so sad.

137
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,099
Look at how we treat our elderly.

138
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,235
Wake up!

139
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,972
I need you to wake up for this!

140
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:15,643
We are currently subletting
your old apartment,

141
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,044
and we need you to pretend

142
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,346
you still live there for a day.

143
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,616
Or just to pretend you still live.

144
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,552
Ladies, you're wasting your time.

145
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,554
He can't speak,
and he doesn't like girls.

146
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,457
He's a vegetable and a fruit.

147
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,292
Lester Donovan.

148
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:34,728
Oh, you're Lester!
Oh, thank God.

149
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,029
Listen, Lester, we need you...

150
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,865
I know, I know.
You want me to pretend

151
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,900
I still live in your apartment.
I overheard everything.

152
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,003
We're not all comatose, darling.

153
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:46,039
But I'm afraid...
it's not gonna happen, girls.

154
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,541
because I got a big week.

155
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:50,478
My special lady is moving in with me.

156
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,547
Because this guy's
not gonna be around much longer.

157
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:56,249
Eighteen hours tops!

158
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,852
Oh! Here's my princess.

159
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,954
Olivia!

160
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,824
He's still with us.

161
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,759
God bless.

162
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,828
So we'll have to push
the move to Monday.

163
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:10,363
Yeah...
About that, Lester.

164
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:13,166
I'm not ready to move in with you.

165
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,536
Olivia, what do you mean?

166
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,906
Max, we should go. No way!
This is like watching

167
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,308
an elder version of The Bachelor!

168
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,812
Literally, the final rose!

169
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,148
Lester, it's not you.
It's me.

170
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,651
That's still in play at their age?

171
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,521
I'm just not ready to settle down.

172
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,924
Too many other fish in the sea.

173
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,059
I know, it's about that
new kid on the block,

174
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,829
Morty what's-his-name.
It's about Morty, isn't it?

175
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,263
Lester, please.

176
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,965
I don't want it to be weird

177
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,101
when we see each other at bingo.

178
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,837
You should know this about Morty...

179
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,972
He's not a real man like me.

180
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,942
His middle name is Viagra!

181
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,210
Olivia!

182
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,717
Well, there's no point
hanging around here.

183
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,854
I'll just grab my penis pump,
and we're outta here.

184
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:11,859
Why is he gonna need that?

185
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:20,267
Here we are. "Home, sweet
at least it's not a rest home."

186
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,971
Lester, not that I minded
pushing you 35 blocks, but...

187
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,906
You could walk at the home.

188
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:27,507
Why can't you walk now?

189
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,611
I'm too depressed to walk.

190
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,345
I've been depressed
since I learned to walk.

191
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,782
I mean, I was nine.
It was time.

192
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,885
I have just lost the love of my life!

193
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,220
Have you ever made love
to a lady with no teeth

194
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,590
and two plastic hips?

195
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,025
I, for one, have not.

196
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:46,093
Max?

197
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:50,430
No. But it just rocketed
to number one on my bucket list.

198
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:54,501
I lived here from 1954 to Studio 54.

199
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:56,770
Liza Minnelli threw up
in that corner.

200
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,539
The only time I ever saw anybody

201
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,775
take three bows after a vomit.

202
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,645
Why did you leave?

203
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,080
You always think you're
gonna find something better.

204
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:10,718
Yep. The toilet grass
is always greener.

205
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:11,985
(BUZZING)

206
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,821
Okay.
That's the building rep, Lester.

207
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,689
Do we need to go over
our cover story again?

208
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,524
It's pretty easy.

209
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,160
I'm Carlotta Spaghetta...

210
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,562
mild-mannered pet trainer by day,

211
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,465
hot-tempered Nigerian spy by night.

212
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,635
Lester, only listen to me.

213
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:28,969
Max is your granddaughter,

214
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,771
and I'm her sober companion.

215
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,206
Which is the only part
of our story that's true.

216
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:34,842
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

217
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,878
That's him.
Now, just sit and smile and nod.

218
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,380
I'll nod, but I'm not gonna smile.

219
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,618
Welcome to my grandfather's

220
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,887
happy, happy home.
There's his couch.

221
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:47,955
There's his kitchen.

222
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,256
What's this?

223
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,058
There's his bong.

224
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,560
His bong.

225
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,196
-Glaucoma.
-Chemo.

226
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:57,698
Well, good afternoon.

227
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,132
I'm Roger from building management.

228
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,300
I'm here to verify this lease,

229
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,570
and I'd like to do it before the rest
of this doorway caves in.

230
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:07,440
And of course you know
my dear, dear grandfather Lester.

231
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:10,477
I just have a few
questions, Mr. Donovan.

232
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,979
Have you ever made love to a woman

233
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,281
with a silicone hip?

234
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:15,983
Amazing!

235
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:20,220
Okay!
I can cross that one off my list.

236
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,122
Hey, girls.

237
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:23,757
I came through the back

238
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,392
because this junkie's
on the front stoop,

239
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,595
and it's still a little awkward
between us.

240
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:34,534
Oh, uh, this is Sophie.
She lives upstairs.

241
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,403
As you can see, Roger, no problems.

242
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,706
Everything's totally legit.

243
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,441
Hey, who's the old guy?

244
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,878
She lives upstairs,
and she doesn't know Lester?

245
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:48,749
She knows him.
This is just a sexual game they play

246
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,484
called "Who are you?"

247
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:54,121
That doesn't sound
like a sexual game.

248
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,589
It is when she's saying it
to his penis.

249
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,361
Sophie, this is
the guy from the agency

250
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:05,165
who just came by to verify
that Lester actually lives here.

251
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,267
Oh, yeah!

252
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,536
He lives here every day!

253
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,405
Yeah, and we've played
that game forever.

254
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,142
Who are you?

255
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,579
Come closer.
He can't hear you.

256
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,215
I'm feeling better already.

257
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,951
So the main takeaway here

258
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:25,886
is that they both live
in the building legally.

259
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,821
Now, let's just sign that lease.

260
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,723
All right, Mr. Donovan,
I just need your signature here,

261
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,825
and this'll lock you into
the lease for another four years.

262
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,894
What's your hip situation?

263
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,930
Oh, I'm as hip as they come, baby!

264
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,467
Now, that's a looker!

265
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,936
-Here you go.
-Yep! All done.

266
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,605
You have the apartment
for another four years.

267
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,340
Enjoy it?

268
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,411
Oh, and I'm required to say,
traces of cancerous stuff

269
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,713
have been found
in some of the apartments.

270
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,816
Have a nice day!

271
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,121
Four more years!
Four more years!

272
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,289
We get to stay in the place

273
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,191
I never thought I'd want to stay in.

274
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,126
Oh, Lester, you're up.
Feeling better?

275
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,061
Like a million bucks.

276
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,530
I'm starting to feel like
my old self again. (CHUCKLES)

277
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:12,800
Oh, hey.
It's been 18 hours.

278
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,667
Let's go see if your friend's dead.

279
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,603
Yeah, Lester.
Let's get you home.

280
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,939
What are you talking about?
I am home.

281
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,041
What do you mean?
This is our place.

282
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:23,944
Not according to that lease
I just signed.

283
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,881
I'll be in my bedroom.

284
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,650
Good to be home!

285
00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:33,420
BOTH: Ruh-roh.

286
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,893
Ladies, this is delicious!

287
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:43,363
(CHUCKLES) You know, at the home
they keep salt on lockdown.

288
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,899
Salt and the dementia patients.

289
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:51,304
Well, it doesn't look like
bad grandpa's leaving tonight.

290
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,874
Maybe I can help.

291
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:57,010
I can put some ground glass
in his Salisbury steak.

292
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:00,547
It's called a Ukrainian divorce.

293
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,783
Nah... I'll try this Jell-O first.

294
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,086
Yeah, it's so old, it might kill him.

295
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,189
Lester, I brought you some Jell-O.

296
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,958
-Would you like some?
-That's very nice of you,

297
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,393
but I'm not going anywhere.

298
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,930
Lester, really, you don't
want to live with us.

299
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,899
Caroline sings so much,

300
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,034
she should have animated birds
on her.

301
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:25,238
Look, there's no way I'm going
back to that retirement home.

302
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,807
I feel alive
for the first time since...

303
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:31,578
Since I died briefly last year.

304
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,881
Oh, my God, really?

305
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,983
Yes, some nurse tripped
over the power cord.

306
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,988
And besides, it's really
helping me get over Olivia.

307
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:44,624
I'm finally realizing there are
plenty of other fish in the sea.

308
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,226
Hey, everybody!

309
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:51,798
And there's one of them.

310
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:54,767
She puts the "ass" in "bass."

311
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:57,871
Friend, I'll be in my booth.

312
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,674
Hey, Sophie.
You remember Lester.

313
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:04,811
Lester, you remember
when they discovered fire.

314
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,080
Please, please, join me.

315
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,615
May I buy you an egg cream?

316
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:12,485
Oh, I do love an egg cream.

317
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:15,488
Oh, excuse me, I gotta
go powder by nose.

318
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,457
Girls...

319
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,659
Girls, I know you want
your apartment back

320
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,128
and I'm a reasonable man.

321
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:25,032
So all I want before I go
is a little you-know-what.

322
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,467
More Jell-O?

323
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,938
I'm talking about sex.
Rebound sex!

324
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,639
Rebound sex?

325
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:36,709
Are you sure you'll even be
able to rebound from having sex?

326
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,411
Are you kidding?

327
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,880
There's nothing but sex
at that retirement home.

328
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,017
Why do you think I put myself there?

329
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,585
It's wall-to-wall whoopee,

330
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:48,155
and you don't even have
to drive home after.

331
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:53,293
Now, I have in mind
a certain elegant lady.

332
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,963
Ah! You're out of TP!

333
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,633
You can set me up
for one night with your friend,

334
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,869
and I will gladly
leave the apartment.

335
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,471
(CHUCKLING)

336
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,606
I'll be in your booth.

337
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,277
Hey, Sophie, you'll get
with that old guy, right?

338
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:14,047
Are you fricking kidding me?

339
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,518
Lester, she didn't go for it.

340
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,287
I'm not going back
to that retirement home

341
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,821
with my tail between my legs.

342
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:25,125
I gotta sleep with someone
to make Olivia jealous.

343
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:29,629
There's a new thing that
kids are doing called "lying."

344
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,031
Why don't you just make something up?

345
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,067
Pics or it didn't happen.

346
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:37,204
I need a selfie
with whoever I hook up with

347
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,839
for my Facebook page.

348
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,309
And if it's not gonna be Sophie,

349
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:46,113
my guess, it's gonna be
one of you two up at bat.

350
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,380
Slugger.

351
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:49,882
Slugger.

352
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,853
(SINGING "TAKE ME OUT
TO THE BALLGAME")

353
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:01,694
Now I know why Liza threw up.

354
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,304
Now I'm depressed.

355
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:15,842
So you lost the straw pull
for who's gonna sleep with Lester.

356
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:19,512
Look, you've been saying
you wanted to have sex

357
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,515
and you've also been saying
you wanna go antiquing.

358
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:28,321
So, behind that door are both.

359
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,624
And, Max, I think you
cheated in that straw pull.

360
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,393
Of course I cheated!

361
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,762
Look, I have had a lot of crazy sex.

362
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,631
I once did it
with a clown at a funeral.

363
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,402
But I cannot see that penis pump.

364
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,437
I won't be able
to come back from that.

365
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,839
You think I can?

366
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:50,910
I do, I think the science part
of your brain would enjoy it.

367
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,915
Ladies, I've stretched.

368
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,350
I'm ready.

369
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,788
Fine, I'll take the bullet.

370
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,023
I don't think there are
any bullets in that gun.

371
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:08,528
Are you sure?

372
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,563
Because I don't want to
have an old baby.

373
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,033
This is ridiculous

374
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,835
that we're even entertaining
the thought

375
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:18,871
of doing anything with an
old man that isn't a Trump.

376
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,674
Max, I can't do this.

377
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:22,975
One of us will just have to take

378
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,111
that apartment in Earl's building

379
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,946
and you will find another place.

380
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,416
But then we'd have to live apart.

381
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,018
I know,
but I don't see another choice.

382
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,554
I'm not ready to live without you.

383
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,657
I'm not ready to live without you.

384
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,427
(SCREAMING)

385
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,602
(SCREAMING)

386
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:52,472
What?

387
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:55,808
I saw the pump!
Pack your things!

388
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:59,112
Max, I can't believe you were
almost willing to do that

389
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,980
to live with me.

390
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,982
You know what, I'm going in.

391
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,219
Because the thought of not seeing you

392
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:10,022
24 hours a day, seven days
a week, would kill me!

393
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,663
We'll meet every Saturday
morning for coffee.

394
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,866
Less and less over time, of course.

395
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:23,536
LESTER: That was a good start.
What else you got?

396
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,605
BOTH: Nothing!
(DOOR OPENS)

397
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:29,842
Ah, I'm really liking
this whole back door thing.

398
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:33,513
Wow, that's the first time
I've ever said that.

399
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,518
Don't get used to it, Sophie.

400
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,320
You never do.

401
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,855
No, I mean, we're gonna
have to leave this place.

402
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,691
We couldn't do it with Lester.

403
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:47,494
I know, that's why I'm here.

404
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,662
You don't have to do this for us.

405
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,199
If you two didn't live
in this building,

406
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,401
then we'd drift apart

407
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,570
and we'd only see each other
on Saturdays for coffee.

408
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:01,441
Well... I'd probably only go once.

409
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:05,878
Look, just give me 90 seconds.

410
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,915
I mean, he's got a pump.
How hard could it be?

411
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,918
She's amazing.

412
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,853
We should probably
get her something for this.

413
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,255
What would be appropriate?

414
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,856
That good candle under the sink?

415
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,024
We've only used it once.

416
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,560
That seems right.

417
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:25,432
I don't know what that was,
but I'm not up to it.

418
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,536
I don't think my heart could take it.

419
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,671
Afraid sex with Sophie
would kill you?

420
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,940
Yeah,
that's why I haven't gone there.

421
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,743
You know, I was all excited
about... about all the...

422
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:37,977
all the other fish in the sea.

423
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,313
That was a great white shark!

424
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:44,183
Hey, come on!

425
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,952
I just stretched.
I'm ready.

426
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,489
Look, could we get a quick pic?

427
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,292
I might've gone there, too,
if I knew he had an iPhone 5S.

428
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,027
-Try to be as sexy as possible.
-Okay. Yeah.

429
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,530
(LAUGHS)

430
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:03,202
When Olivia sees that,
she's gonna say, "Morty who?"

431
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,407
Girls, enjoy your apartment.

432
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:10,243
I had some lovely times here.

433
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,679
-Thank you so much, Lester.
-Bye, Grandpa.

434
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,181
Maybe sometime we could
come visit you in the home.

435
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:18,518
Email me. We'll talk.

436
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,354
That's still in play at his age?

437
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,424
Hey, thanks for the blue balls,
Lester!

438
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:29,095
Nighty-night, girls.

439
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,671
Max, we get to stay together!

440
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,106
(GASPS) And even better,

441
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,509
he left his wheelchair!

442
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,911
Push me into the kitchen,
I want to crack open a beer.

443
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,815
I wonder if I'll be pushing
you like this when you're 70.

444
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:51,183
You'll be pushing me
like this when I'm 30.

445
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,122
There's no place like home.

446
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,857
I'll go get the Scotch tape.

447
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,227
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

448
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:25,418
(English US - SDH)